She said WHAT?!? The Story of MY Non-Baby Bump:

I have encountered many with diarrhea of the mouth, but tonight takes the cake, or rather sushi.

My family and I headed out to dinner and on the car ride there, we were singing and laughing, ready for a fun evening out.  Within two minutes of arriving and before I could even sit down at my table, a waitress (who has waited on us hundreds of times before) rubbed her belly, looked at mine and asked if I was expecting #4.  WHAT?!?!  Did she really just say that to me?

I was mortified, upset, angry and every other emotion you could think of.  I have always been petite and for the most part secure in my body, but like every woman on the planet, I have insecurities.  Who the hell doesn’t?  As I am approaching 40, I am finding that weight isn’t as easy to lose as it once was.   I work out regularly, eat healthy and feel great.  Are there days when I feel bloated, wonder why my jeans won’t button and wish back my twenty something body?  Sure.  Three pregnancies have changed by body but I embrace the love wounds my children have bestowed upon me.

When this woman asked me that horrifying question, it was as if the wind was taken right out of my sails.  Who the hell was she to ask me that?  Was she perfect? NO! My eight year old said that she wasnt very nice and gave me a huge hug.  I hated that my kids heard her judge me but I tried to turn it into a learning lesson.  Our dinner was ruined.

I didn’t want to let someone else’s comments control my emotions, just like I teach my children, but her words really hurt.  You want to know what the worst part of this whole situation was?  The same waitress asked me the same question a year earlier.  Yep, it’s true.  Clearly she didn’t learn her lesson the last time.  Why is this acceptable behavior for her and why is she still working there?  The first time I was annoyed but was able to brush it off.  In this instance, it hit harder.  I am PMSing, feel bloated and am a few pounds heavier than I was last year.  Could she be shedding light on the truth that my body is changing and 40 is near?  My confident self had disappeared and I was letting this person get into my head.

Growing up, I was extremely skinny and often called, “skeleton”.  People tend to think it only hurts when you are judged for being overweight but it stings anytime someone is commenting negatively on the way you look.  This woman brought up memories of people being critical and having something to say about my body.  Even as an adult, I have been told I was too skinny at times.  Am I too skinny or too fat, which one is it people and why do you have a right to decide that?  I can’t win.  Did you know that a week after I had my third son, someone told me I still looked pregnant.  Seriously?  Of course I did.  I must have a sign on my head that reads, “Looking for comments on my body so please share”.  How about everyone worries about themselves and leaves me out of it.  Who has any right to tell someone else how they should look?  It wasn’t just about this woman’s comment, but what it represented.

Needless to say, the entire staff was mortified and I was treated like a queen for the rest of the meal.  It was a nice gesture and appreciated, but I really just wanted to be left alone.  The owner came up to me, apologized and then made excuses for this waitress’s bad behavior.  I didn’t want to hear it.  He said she had gone through breast cancer and the radiation messed with her head.  First of all, that is horrible.  Second of all, now I feel even worse.  Third of all, as terrible as that is, it doesn’t give a waitress in the service industry an excuse to say what she said, not once, but twice!

I didn’t feel like crying until this manager came to my table.  I felt like I was being told what had happened was no big deal and that I was the one who should feel bad for her.  When I was younger, my dad taught me to focus on the good in people, not the bad.  If someone wronged me, I was to remember all the good things.  This schooling helped me become a positive person but I found that I was always making excuses for people’s bad behavior.  Was anyone accountable?  This time someone would be.

I excused myself as I felt the tears about to explode and began whaling in the bathroom.  I couldn’t help it.  I felt ridiculous that someone’s comment had gotten to me, but it wasn’t just about the comment.  Lately, I have felt like my body hasn’t been responding to exercise and diet, like it used to.  For her to call me out and point out my flaws made me feel naked, exposed and vulnerable.  To put salt in the wound, her boss tried to make excuses and buy my forgiveness with sashimi.

I am sharing this story because it is NEVER okay to comment on someone’s body.  Whether you feel someone is too skinny, too heavy or could use some alteration, it is NEVER OK!  People need to be accountable for their hurtful comments and realize that words do hurt.  We have all wondered if someone was pregnant but all know the rule is to never ask.

Before bedtime, my son asked me why she told me I looked pregnant when she wasn’t very fit herself.  It was a good question and to answer, I shared that it wasn’t about insulting her to make myself feel better.  We all need to worry about ourselves and not judge others.  Another opportunity for a lesson to teach my son.

Recently, we read about Jennifer Garner’s response to those that thought she was pregnant.  “I am not pregnant, but I’ve had three kids and there is a ‘bump.’ From now on ladies, I will have a ‘bump’ and it will be my ‘baby bump’ and let’s just all settle in and get used to it, it’s not going anywhere.”  Love her comeback and her attitude!  

I let this woman and the experience break me tonight but I am not broken.  I am happy with me (most days) and anyone who feels otherwise can kiss my you know what!  

TOGETHER WE CAN MASTER MOTHERHOOD!